I was ordering a new phone when my previous one was lost, at that time I was in the UK for a visit and I changed my shipping address to a UK address I was staying at. I assumed that Amazon thought I’m some sort of con artist (Yep that’s me in the photo), so they locked me out of my own account. Basically I was phone-less, SIM-less and pissed off. After digging through Amazon UK’s website for a way to contact support, I finally found the chat and the conversation pissed me off even more. Read on and be amused (I changed his name to Muppet and my notes are in brackets).
You are now connected to Muppet from amazon.co.uk.
Unable to change password on amazon website.
Hello, my name is Muppet, I’ll be happy to help you.
Me: Hello Muppet
Muppet: I understand your concern. I am sorry for the inconvenience caused to you. Before I look at your account, I need to verify that you’re the account holder. Could you tell me the name on your account, your e-mail address, and the first line of your billing address, please? (Sorry #1)
Muppet: Thanks for providing the details.
Me: I have received an email from Amazon telling me they have suspended the account due to strange behavior
Muppet: I am sorry to hear that. I see that there are two accounts with the same email ID. (Sorry #2)
Me: Yep one US & one UK
Muppet: Thanks for the information. In this case if you prefer I would schedule a call for you right now to our telephone customer service department to assist you further. Please be assured that you will not be charged for the call. Could you help me with UK telephone number?
Me: 2 problems: 1- I am hard of hearing can’t use the phone. 2- My phone got stolen last night & I placed an order for a replacement phone through Amazon. I haven’t received the replacement SIM card from the telco either.
Muppet: I am sorry for that. (I’m going to reach through the screen and knock yer teeF out, STOP APOLOGIZING! Sorry #3)
Me: it’s alright (Note: Very deceptive smiley face, no?)
Muppet: In this case I request you to contact once you got the new sim so that we can proceed further. Is there anything else I can help you with today? (WTF?)
Me: how can i contact? I cannot make or receive phone calls
Muppet: You can contact through email or chat or through phone. (SERIOUSLY?!)
Me: (facepalm) I’ve already sent an email and chatting now? Phone is out of the question unless I can speak to the person face-to-face.
Muppet: As you have multiple accounts with the same email ID please understand that we can reset your password only once you contact us through phone.
Me: Well do you have anyone who can “talk” to deaf people? (Can you feel my sarcasm?)
Muppet: I am sorry we do not have like that. If you prefer I request you to call when someone is around you so that they can talk to us. Your chat has been idle for 3 minutes. I can close the chat after another 1 minute if it is not convenient for you to reply to me at the moment. (Who hired this moron? Sorry #4)
Me: Ok this is getting even stranger. Let me try to explain. I’m visiting the UK and my time here is quite short. The only people around me that I personally know is another person who is deaf too. I’m not really going to go knock on a stranger’s door and ask him/her to call Amazon just to verify that I am who I am. Nor am I going to sit through another week without a phone which I can’t order through Amazon anymore & go back to Kuwait to call you. (Read..this..in..Special..English)
Muppet: In this case I will forward your concern department. They will get back to you with in 2 business days.
Me: Hmm. OK, you do that I’ll see what happens. Just as a note, Amazon needs to review it’s policies concerning the disabled. Not all deaf people can find assistance easily. (OMG another deceptive smiley!)
Muppet: Yes, I understand your concern. Please understand that I have only followed the policies of Amazon and I can not violate them.
Me: Thank you Muppet I appreciate your effort really and I’m not upset at you. (Translated: I’ll rip you a new one.)
Muppet: I will definitely forward your concern to the specific department.
Me: Oh don’t worry, I do understand since I come from a service desk background myself. Please escalate this and let’s see how far this ball will roll. I really appreciate it, mate. (Translation: I worked with assholes like you before, do your job ASAP or heads will roll.)
Muppet: Thanks for your patience and understanding. We look forward to seeing you again soon! Please click “End Chat” to close this window.
Me: Alright, goodbye. (Giving the finger)
Muppet: Bye, Rashed!